Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
