i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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