I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
