It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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