Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
