I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
