Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
