Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
