Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
