maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
