I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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