Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize