don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
