That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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