She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
