Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
