Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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