WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
