I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize