Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Found your dick twin last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
