yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
