Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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