I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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