I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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