I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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