I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
