Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he was CRYING into my vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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