I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
