oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
