She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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