so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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