her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
