Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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