It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
