I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
