i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
