yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
