I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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