Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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