Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
