just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
