They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
