So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my sisters under your porch take her home
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
