sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
