help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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