you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
