i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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