I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
