Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
