The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
