this boner is exhausting
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
