peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
