She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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