Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
