Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
