They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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