There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
