She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His nipple licking is glorious
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