We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
is it fun? or sober?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
