my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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