What a fucking waste of an outfit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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