Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
