Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
