I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
