Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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