So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
