A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
