you would pick up someone in the library
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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