I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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