I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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