Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize