Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
