yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And then he peed in my hair
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