I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
