Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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