I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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