I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
