closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Randomize
