um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
