When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
