you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
