So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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