they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
