you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
