my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
