You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
