I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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