So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
