He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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