Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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