If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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