I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
