I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize