Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
