I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
