So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
