Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
