The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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