he puts the penis in happiness.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
