Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
