We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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