you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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